Let me set the scene.
You’re in a club with your favorite people, the latest T-Pain song is playing (did I just date myself?), and you’re sipping an apple martini. Don’t judge me! That was my drink of choice during my college years until I knew better. Imma tell you like Maya Angelou told me, “When you know better, you do better.” I’m pretty sure Maya wasn’t talking about apple martinis, but I digress…
You’re dancing the night away when the “best idea known to man” hits you. Why not buy a round of shots for your friends? The bartender already has your credit card because you opened a tab, so you go for it. In that moment, you feel generous, fun, and unstoppable.
You turn into the Oprah of shots.
What Buyer’s Remorse Really Feels Like
Fast forward to the next morning. You check your bank account, and regret hits you like a ton of bricks. This was me in my twenties more times than I’d like to admit. Whether it was a night out or a quick trip to Target that somehow totaled $200, I was spending without intention. I was wondering where my money was going and felt like I had little control of my finances.
That familiar jolt of regret, also known as buyer’s remorse, crept in every time. It wasn’t just the purchase. It was the shame spiral that followed. I would judge myself because I thought I should be making better financial decisions, making promises I wouldn’t keep, and then repeating the same behavior. A vicious cycle.
Fun times.
Why Buyer’s Remorse Keeps Happening
People assume buyer’s remorse happens because we overspent. If that were all it was, this would be simple. Spend less. Done.
At the end of the day, buyer’s remorse has less to do with the price tag and more to do with what the purchase represents emotionally.
Money is emotional. Your spending is shaped by identity, culture, family expectations, inherited beliefs, and the stories we tell ourselves. When your spending comes from a sense of guilt or obligation, you spend on things that don’t match your values and you don’t really want.
The First-Gen Pressure to Provide
For many first-gen wealth builders, buyer’s remorse may look completely different.
Sometimes the regret isn’t about overspending on yourself. It’s about spending on everyone else. According to a study by The Motley Fool, first-generation Americans are significantly more likely to provide financial support to their families and feel responsible for helping them navigate money challenges.
For example, this can look like:
- Treating the whole family to dinner because you’re “the first one in the family to earn six figures.”
- Paying for outings because you want the people you love to experience something special.
- Saying yes to group trips or celebrations even when it stretches your budget.
- Covering bills “just this once,” even though it was not in your plans.
In the moment, you feel generous. You were raised to be there for family and help them when they need help.
Then later, when you’re alone with your bank account, the guilt creeps in. Not because you didn’t want to help, you did. Your generosity is real.
The remorse shows up because deep down you know:
- This purchase pulled me away from my own goals.
Or - I acted from guilt, not intention.
Or - I didn’t want to disappoint someone.
That’s the type of buyer’s remorse first-gen wealth builders experience and don’t often talk about.
Your Feelings Are Feedback – Pay Attention to Them
Here’s the part most people skip: your emotions after a purchase are data. It’s time to pay attention to what your emotions are trying to tell you about your habits and your needs.
That tightness in your chest, the second-guessing, the “Why did I do that?” thought. Don’t brush it off. It’s your mind signaling, “This wasn’t aligned.”
Ask yourself what emotion drove the purchase. Was it guilt, obligation, pressure, or comparison? Whose expectations were you trying to meet? Did your purchase align with your values or just a momentary feeling? Be honest with yourself. Were you buying for connection or validation?
Ultimately, when you treat your feelings as feedback, you break the cycle of shame. Instead of beating yourself up, you learn from it. Redirect and realign to spend differently the next time. That’s financial growth.
How to Stop Buyer’s Remorse
Being intentional with my spending helped me break the cycle. Here are the habits that helped me become an intentional spender:
1. Track Your Spending: Bring Your Blind Spots Into the Light
When you track your spending, you’re not punishing yourself. Instead, you’re practicing awareness. The first time I tracked my spending was an eye-opening experience. Numbers don’t lie, and I was shocked at what I discovered.
Tracking helps you:
✓ Notice patterns
✓ Catch emotional triggers
✓ See where guilt-based purchases show up
✓ Identify unnecessary spending
✓ Understand what truly matters to you
Awareness is the first step to alignment.
2. Use Sinking Funds: Plan for the Purchases You Truly Want
Sinking funds save you from emotional spending. They create structure and help you say “yes: to aligned purchases and “no” to everything else.
You can build sinking funds for short and long-term goals:
✓ Travel
✓ Holidays
✓ Birthdays
✓ Emergencies (including family emergencies)
✓ Big family events
✓ Experiences you value
✓ Large purchases
When you plan, the purchase feels exciting, not stressful.
3. Practice Values-Based Spending: Let Your Values Lead Your Spending
Your money should reflect what you care about.
Values-based spending means your dollars and your values are aligned. It means you spend with intention, not out of guilt or impulse. Ask yourself, “Is this something I want to spend money on, or do I feel like I have to?” and “Can I say yes to this without saying no to my goals?”
4. Set Boundaries With Family
This is where first-gen women often struggle the most.
You can be generous without self-sacrifice. You can give without losing yourself, and you can love your family while protecting your goals.
To help you set boundaries, create money rules that help you decide what you’re willing to spend on when you get a request from family, and what you’re not. Money rules help you prepare for situations instead of getting caught off guard and avoiding emotional spending driven by guilt or urgency.
Some examples are:
✓ “I will only give from my family sinking fund, not from savings or goals.”
✓ “I will not respond to financial requests immediately. I will give myself time to think about it.”
✓ “I only treat others when it’s planned, not in the moment. If I didn’t decide before the outing that I’m paying, I am not paying.”
Healthy boundaries support your long-term financial freedom.
5. Forgive yourself and move on
The shame after a purchase is often worse than the purchase itself. Shame keeps you stuck. Awareness moves you forward.
If you regret a purchase, take the lesson and release the self-judgment. You don’t need to carry it. You need to learn from it.
Final Thoughts
Buyer’s remorse doesn’t mean you’re bad with money. It means something inside you is seeking alignment.
When you understand why you’re spending, pay attention to your emotional feedback, and create habits that support your values, you stop regretting purchases and start making decisions that feel good.
If you’re ready to build a plan that supports your goals, your values, and the life you want, apply for my 1:1 coaching program.
