Let’s be honest: There are money conversations you know you should be having, but you’re avoiding them. Not just with your partner or your family, but even with yourself.
We tell ourselves we’ll bring it up “later.”
After the vacation.
After the bill comes.
After the next paycheck.
After things “calm down.”
Except…things rarely do.
And the longer you wait, the heavier the conversation becomes. What could have been a calm check-in turns into a crisis meeting.
And the truth is, avoiding money conversations is probably holding you back more than you realize.
Why Avoiding Money Conversations Feels Safer
I grew up in a household where we didn’t talk about money until it was too late.
In many households, money wasn’t discussed — so we never learned how to talk about it until something was already going wrong. Money conversations only happened when a bill was past due, when something couldn’t be paid, or when panic was already sitting in the room. By the time the conversation finally happened, everyone was tense, embarrassed, or defensive.
When that’s your model, you don’t learn to talk about money.
You learn to avoid it.
You learn that money conversations equal tension, fear, or blame.
You learn that silence feels safer than the truth, even if staying silent hurts you lin the long run.
And most of us carry that pattern into adulthood without even realizing it.
How Avoidance Became Our Normal
You’re not alone in this. Research from Empower found that most Americans avoid talking about money entirely, even with the people closest to them, because these conversations feel uncomfortable or overwhelming.
And those tense or avoided conversations often showed up in our parents’ behavior, too. Many of us watched adults try to maintain the appearance of “we’re fine” even when the money wasn’t there. They spent on things they couldn’t afford because appearing like everything was fine felt safer than telling the truth.
Holiday season?
“Let’s give the kids everything they want for Christmas, and we’ll figure it out later.”
Vacations?
“Let’s stop paying a bill, take the trip, and deal with the consequences when we get back.”
From the outside, it looked like joy and normalcy. Inside the house, there was stress, tension, pressure, and silence. The kind of silence that makes you think you’re the only family going through it.
That’s the danger of not talking about money. Avoidance creates isolation. It creates the illusion that everyone else has their financial life together, and you’re the only one struggling.
And because we didn’t talk about money, we also never learned:
- How to build healthy money habits
- How to manage money intentionally
- How to invest
- How to negotiate our salaries
- How to make financial decisions without guilt or fear
We grew up watching adults wear a mask and a smile while stress quietly consumed them. And the truth is, avoiding money conversations is something many of us learned, not something we chose.
Speaking up is liberating. Talking about money removes the mask, breaks the silence, and sets you up to finally win with money, not just survive it.
The Cost of Waiting Too Long: A Scenario That Feels All Too Real
Imagine you know you’re overspending a little every month. You tell yourself, “It’s fine. I’ll clean it up next month.”
Your partner also senses money is tight but avoids asking because…
- They don’t want to sound controlling
- They don’t want to disappoint you
- They don’t want to start an argument
So both of you stay silent.
Then one day, a credit card bill arrives that’s higher than either of you expected.
Now the conversation isn’t:
“Let’s review our spending.”
It becomes:
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How did this get so bad?”
“What else aren’t you saying?”
What could’ve been a simple, calm check-in turns into a high-emotion confrontation.
Instead of a conversation about planning, it becomes a conversation about problem-solving.
Instead of clarity, there’s defensiveness.
Instead of teamwork, there’s tension.
This is what silence does.
It turns manageable moments into unnecessary emergencies.
And once you’ve lived through a few of these moments, avoiding money conversations can start to feel like the safest option, even when it isn’t.
Why We Keep Avoiding Money Conversations
Avoidance isn’t laziness. It’s protection.
It’s what your brain does when something feels threatening.
Here’s what keeps most people silent:
1. Shame
We hide what we’re embarrassed about.
2. Fear of judgment
“What will they think of me?”
3. People-pleasing and cultural expectations
Especially for first-gen women who feel pressure to help everyone.
4. Conflict avoidance
If money conversations were tense growing up, your body remembers.
5. We never learned how
Silence was modeled — not communication.
But avoiding money conversations doesn’t protect you. It creates a whole new set of problems.
The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Money Conversations
Avoiding money conversations doesn’t keep the peace. It merely delays the conflict and exacerbates it by keeping you stuck in cycles you never chose, and prevents you from planning for the future.
Avoidance can lead to:
- Credit card debt
- Partner resentment
- Family expectations you never agreed to
- Drained savings
- Decisions based on guilt, fear, or pressure
And the biggest cost?
When you stay silent, you lose the chance to plan ahead.
Instead of: “How do we build wealth?”
You get: “How do we fix this mess?”
Instead of: “Let’s talk before it becomes a problem.”
You get: “Let’s talk because it became one.”
So how do you break the cycle?
The Conversations You Need to Start Having
You don’t fix a lifetime of silence in one talk. You start small, gently, and most importantly, you start now. Let’s take the taboo out of talking about money. The more you talk about it, the easier it becomes and the more empowered you’ll feel.
1. The Conversation With Yourself
This is the one most people skip — and it’s the most important..
Ask yourself:
- What am I actually afraid of?
- What do I avoid looking at?
- What feelings come up when I think about money?
- Am I spending to cope? Avoid? Impress? Feel safe?
- What beliefs from childhood are still shaping my choices today?
And then, ask the hardest question:
“What happens if nothing changes and I stay quiet?”
Give yourself permission to really sit with that.
Your answer will tell you everything you need to know to move forward. This question forces you to confront the cost of silence before it grows.
2. The Conversation With Your Partner
It doesn’t have to be heavy.
Start with: “Can we talk about how we handle money as a team?”
Discuss:
- Spending habits
- Short-term and long-term goals
- Boundaries with family
- What makes you both feel financially safe
The earlier you have these conversations, the easier they are. Money talks are hard when emotions are high — not before.
Once you and your partner are aligned, it becomes much easier to communicate boundaries with the people who may have shaped your earliest money beliefs, your family.
3. The Conversation With Your Family (Boundaries Matter Here)
Keep in mind: this may be the first time your family hears you set boundaries around money, and it may feel uncomfortable for everyone involved. Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; it simply means change is happening.
And remember, this isn’t a one-and-done conversation. Healthy money boundaries often require ongoing discussions as you and your family adjust to a new way of handling money. Expect to revisit this topic again in different forms.
Sample Script:
“I love you and I want to support the family. Right now, my budget is tight because I’m focusing on building savings and paying down debt. I can’t contribute financially in the way I have before, but I’m happy to help in other ways.”
4. The Conversation About Your Money Story
Ask yourself:
- What did I learn about money growing up?
- What did I see, hear, or absorb?
- And is it still serving me?
You can’t change your financial life until you understand the story shaping your decisions. Whatever you grew up hearing (or not hearing) becomes your default setting. But you’re allowed to rewrite your money story.
Start Before Something Goes Wrong
Money conversations are hardest when emotions are high, not before.
Choose one conversation you’ve been avoiding — just one — and commit to having it this week.
Future-you will thank you for not waiting.
